Vinod Narayan

It was on a Saturday evening that I saw Mr. Albert for the first time, talking to dad near the porch at our ancestral home in India. Holding a lantern on one hand and a walking stick on the other, a long over coat and with one shoe shining more than the other, he looked like a character from one of the old English novels I had read.

As I came in Dad introduced me to him “This is Mr. Albert, he is a very close friend of mine, it has been a long time since we met”

“Hello Mr. Albert, it is a pleasure meeting you” I said with a smile

“The pleasure is all mine, to see my friend’s son come in front of me as a fine young man” He put his hand in his coat pocket and took a chocolate and handed it out to me.

Both me and my Dad were amused, I was turning twenty and I was done with my craving for chocolates since age 10.
Seeing the smile in our faces Mr. Albert grinned and said “You are still young to eat chocolates from an old man like me”

I took the chocolate from him and started observing him more closely while he and dad resumed their talk that was interrupted by my entrance

He looked much older than dad though they went to school together; he was much frail looking and with the over coat, lantern and stick he looked like an old light house watchman. I started searching my memories to see if he Dad had ever mentioned about him, anything that might help me relate to him in anyway.

The only incident where a mention about his childhood was made was when he got a letter from his uncle back home. This was about three years ago and that day at the dinner table he looked at me and said -

“Son, your future and dreams are all yours and you should pursue your dreams your way. I don’t believe that any son’s life should be used up in fulfilling the unrealized dreams of a father. Seeing you live your dreams I would have lived mine. In any relation between a father and son, the father also sees himself in his son and so when you ever feel that I am stepping on your toes in your pursuit for happiness you need to tell me, and I will move out. Just remember to make me a part of your life always”

He did not complete his dinner but got up gave me a hug and retired to his room. We never spoke about this incident after that, but his words did have a long lasting influence on me and my own dreams started becoming more and more clearer to me after that day.

But once my mom did tell me that the letter had to do something with a childhood friend of his who had lost his son to his fixed and stubborn ideas of parenthood.

I was woken up from my thoughts when I felt Mr. Albert’s hand on my shoulder and he was taking leave and telling my Dad

“My friend you are a very lucky man. A son is a treasure”
He then looked at me and continued

While some of us are left with nothing but a stick in this old age you have such a fine shoulder to hold on to”
I am not sure why I did it, but I stepped forward and hugged Mr. Albert and told him

“Sir I did not hear your conversation but I assure you that this hug and many more like this will keep you warm in the cold streets of life; Please have dinner with us”

Mr. Albert and Dad smiled again
“You are a very lucky man my friend”

“So are you Albert, as I use to tell you, you will always treasure my friendship”

Dad said and we all laughed and went inside the house.
The house was well lit and we all were holding hands together and Mr. Albert had forgotten his lantern and his walking stick outside in the cold

It is said that blaming is the easiest thing one can do. It doesn’t matter if you are rich or poor, young or old, blaming is there always, as an option for you to escape the torture and public humiliation of failing.

For him it all started with a voice from inside like it happens during many other major decisions in life telling him over and over, day and night, painfully piercing into your heart and mind

“You just need to say Quit and this will all end, you don’t have to go through this if you don’t want to”

Initially he refused to listen but it will still go on

“It’s just a game, you will loose a lot playing it, don’t try doing it, you can’t win this, you have no choice, quit before you loose, the odd s are all against you”

He struggled from inside to hold off from hearing the voice and realized that he needed to be stronger if he were to do away with it

He stops what he was doing and heads for the Gym. Without the usual warm up he starts pounding the Iron venting out his frustration on all pieces of metal, ropes and pulleys of various sizes and shapes

While his mind had started contemplating an escape route, he sweats like hell and keeps mumbling “that Sons and daughters of ….s, they ought to have performed better”

The act of “blaming your way out” had begun

He starts getting overly frustrated thinking about the people who hold back his success.

He has the revelation that all his colleagues, friends and partners have turned out to be at fault except him. He realizes the truth that he has been cheated, ridiculed, pulled from behind, and stabbed in the back. He starts searching through the corridors of his mind, chasing each and everyone close to him, to find the person on whom he can blame it all

And then after a few moments of silence between the thuds of irons and pulleys he screams out “Eureka!!!”

His analytical and logical brain has finished compiling with vigor and absolute accuracy spitting out the name of his only trusted comrade, the man who has been with him all through the rough waters all these years

Who else will be better than his trusted lieutenant to take up the task of being pronounced the corporate glitch. He has taken equal responsibilities on all decision making of the company and has been as much in public interest as him

Though he had himself spurted the name, he needed more reasoning to make him self believe the same

The act of “changing beliefs your way” needed to be started

He gives way to his intellect which started coming up with the necessary reasoning

“If someone has to pay, this is the person, the culprit on whom you should blame all the possible reasons for your misfortunes, he should have known that things were going bad, he should have warned you, he should have stepped up to the occasion. If he wanted he could have saved you from the torture as well as the personal agony of the thought of quitting”

“If it were not for this miscreant you would have stood to gain all that you ever wanted, money, fame, respect of your people and all that which now seems like a never ending saga or misfortunes”

But then above everything there is this benevolent heart of his that many a times dismisses what the head has derived upon. He started thinking

“This has been your closest associate, one who has been with you for the past twenty years like a shadow but more clear and distinct even during the darkest hours. Your actions can’t probably be right; there might be a way out other than sacrificing this long term companionship, the faith and the trust.

The intellect interrupts
“You don’t have the time, blame, blame, reason the blame, fast, escape, save your Ass”

The intellect continues on and on, coming every time with new and stronger reasons convincing him that his companion was indeed a traitor, a black mole, the reason for the misfortunes of so many families who depended on your company doing well the past year.

“It is pay time, you could not do anything to stop it, it did not rise in your mind, the people have voted the man out, you will miss your long term associate, but life has to move on”

Now he needed to arrange for an investigation, call an all hands, send a circular, he needs someone to run this for him, whom should he call.

He fiddles with his phone and looks in the mirror that was showing off his bulged out triceps, chest and biceps and for the first time he looks straight into his own eyes. He could see for the first time the coward he had made of himself. The last one hour had created a much weaker mind in a much stronger body

He slowly walked out of the Gym dialed his buddy and said
“Jim, I am taking full responsibilities and I want you to fix a meeting with the counsel to chalk out the necessary actions and call in an all hands tomorrow”

Jim was silent a moment and then said
“You don’t need to do this, I had seen this coming and I had some back up plan in place, I will meet you at your place in half hour, I assure you we will swim safely through this rough tide too, you keep cool and leave the rest to me my friend”

Jim then hung the phone leaving him dumbfounded and puzzled but quite relieved

He was slowly figuring out that going by what ones heart says can make such impact on ones life.

It always has been my fascination to silently observe people who talk to me. Many times they stop their conversation and ask
“Hey, are you still here” thinking I have been lost in my thoughts
How incapable of them to not know that I was all this while immersed in them and got so involved in my observations that I lost track of the fact that they were talking to me.

Though I am not sure when I developed this practice, the earliest incident I remember is about twenty years ago (Never thought my memories have traveled so far with me), and that probably got me the hang of it

Reena use to be our neighbor while we lived in Bangalore. When I was around ten Mr. and Mrs. Bhatia moved next door and Reena was their twelve year old. Her five year old younger brother suhas was a cry baby from the day he entered our complex to the day he left for the Army, and I swear that he made a commendable leap for a person that he was, Ma’s pallu to Bharat Ma’s Godh, (from mother’s pallu to lap of his motherland). That’s the last I saw of him though I heard later that he has been doing well and has got married now.

Reena was nothing like a love for me, but somewhere hidden I had developed a desire to know her more. May be I am still incapable of giving it a name for that would leave some mysteries solved and life is fun with unsolved mysteries like my feelings for Reena. But you should understand that it was more of a curiosity as to how she was the way she was, unlike those nosy, silly dames that adorned our complex corridors. Reena I believe never knew she was being different enough for people to start noticing her. Yes different is the apt word in all ways suited for a mix of being attractive, having a beautiful way with words, studious, well mannered and a smile that won’t kill you, but make you want to live more. I have told this to people and they have told be it was love, morons they never heard the rest and the rest who heard could never comprehend the story.

To make a short story longer I will take you through a day in the life of the complex so that atleast this time you can have the backgrounder to figure out if I should have been writing this at the first place.

The Morning in the complex was as usual in any middle class neighborhood, people racing against time run in and out of their houses preparing themselves for the day only to be late enough to miss the buss or forget the lunch box or anything that would make that day also as usual as any day, hurried, late, unfulfilling and never ending.

Once the bread earners and the future bread earners left for their usual portion of life outside the complex, life within starts to settle down for the next eight to ten hours. This is a process of cooling down, with the noises slowly dying off, and people moving back to the houses with the doors slammed behind them and the neighborhood gets calm with the almost dead silence in the afternoon except for the vegetable seller or some similar traveling salesman passing by once in a while.

In the evenings the commotion starts earlier sometime as the future bread earning little brats land up early shouting for food from the gateway. People seeing would have thought that the children were made to starve and the evening meal was the only meal given and that too on school days alone.

I was in my 9th grade and it was a usual Wednesday and I was at home that day with a swelling from the syringe game the nurse played on my last medical visit. She had driven the needle so hard that I could sense the medicine going in and hitting the bones and spilling all over inside. I was quite prone to allergies of all sorts and the needle started a swelling that immediately became a reddish patch so evident on a fair skin that I inherited from my mom.

And so on that day for a change I witnessed the morning commotion without being part of it and retreated to my couch participating in the neighborhood cooling process there after. As I was getting in I noticed that Reena was also at home that day, quite unlikely as I had spotted her with her bag ready for school during the morning commotion and most likely she should have gone to school. I asked my mom and she said that Mrs. Bhatia had the usual attack of migraine that morning and she had to stay back and my mom was preparing the lunch for them as well.

By noon my mom came and asked me to take the lunch to the Bhatias. It was the large five level Lunch box that we bought on our usual yearly trip last year. I saw that my mom had gone the extra mile to make more than usual. I was not sure then as to why she did that, but the truth was she had made it for me, I was home for a change and she really felt good about it.

Reena opened the door and gave the same warm smile that (you know what); yes makes a person want to live more. I handed the Lunch box to her and she thanked and went inside. She called out to say that she will give back the Lunch box in the evening. Though I expected her to come back and we could may be sit and chat for sometime, she just called out from the kitchen that I can close the door behind me when I leave. I found that quite rude, not because I bought her lunch, but because that was not the way she acted normally.

Coming back home I laid back on the couch for about an hour or so still feeling quite uneasy on how Reena reacted and I decided to go back and find out why that warm smile that welcomed me had transpired into the cold farewell. I knocked the door for a few times, but no one seemed to reply. I was at the front door for about five minutes and as I turned and was about to leave the door opened and Reena stood there and looked at me with surprise. She had changed her dress to a more colorful skirt that I had not seen her wear before.

“I am sorry I have not yet finished the Lunch, is your mom waiting for the Lunch box”

“Oh No, I was just ……”
She was wearing a blue top that I believe she wore for suhas’s birthday last month, She looked gorgeous in those and today with the colorful skirt the image of her was even more stunning. Her dark complexion glowed even more with the light was reflecting from the colors all over her.

“So you just came in is it…?” She asked

My mind murmured for me to hear, hopefully she did not hear it

“Standing before you is the beauty that discounted your existence, embrace it and you will have the final revelation”

Seeing me Reena said rather apologetically
“I am sorry I have not yet finished the Lunch, is your mom waiting for the Lunch box”

“Oh No, I was just ……”
She was wearing a blue top that I believe she wore for suhas’s birthday last month, She looked gorgeous in those and today with the colorful skirt the image of her was even more stunning. Her dark complexion glowed even more with the light was reflecting from the colors all over her.

“So you just came in is it…?” She asked

“I was wondering if you wanted to play chess, I was getting bored at home”
What is that pattern on her skirt, at the first sight it looks like a design of some sort, but it is not, it is a picture of birds, or may be…, the frills on the skirt make it difficult to see and comprehend the art well.

“I did not know you played chess too, how did you know I played” She asked

“I have always seen the open chess board in your study and presumed that…”
The combination of the colors turned to be more exotic with the frills in the skirt, looks like she has not ironed it either, or may be that is how the skirt needs to be worn.

“You want to sit in the study or in the living room” She asked

“The Living room will be better, there is more light in here and I guess the cool breeze with the door kept open will make me feel better”
The skirt, it’s different from usual, why is it so brilliantly colored, I wish I could see the art better, may be when she sits

“Oh I forgot, you are not well my friend, you need to be taking rest and not be running around” She Said

“I am fine now, just needed to sit somewhere and not move much and it was boring at home, and mom is taking her afternoon nap”
Are those birds in the pattern flying or is there a tree on which they are sitting… why is the pattern unusual when an art with birds is so common. It’s their color, looks like a familiar color though….

As she walked towards the study to fetch the chess board I tried noticing the pattern from the rear and could not relate it to the patterns in the front and looked like she was wearing a totally different skirt, the colors do not match. May be I should see the art all stretched out on a level floor and then it would make sense. But why am I bothered about the art, its just a pattern and that’s not why I am here. But still how can you miss something when it is so close and instills in you a need to see and understand more.

Reena came back with the chess board and kept it on the small table in the living room.
“white or black”

“I will have black” I said
Black…., black….. No it’s white

“White” I jumped up on my seat
“Ok… Ok… you take white”

“No it’s white” I said, “the color….”
“The color of what” She asked

The color of the birds
“The birds?…” She looked at me

“Yes the birds.. But I am not sure if they are flying or are they just sitting on the tree”

Reena looked at me “Hey you… What are you looking at, haven’t you seen any art before”

“I have… but not like this partly concealed and failing to reveal the completeness”

“Why do you get bothered about all this when the beauty is in reality always incomplete, without the presence of an appreciation” She said

I looked at her and our eyes met

She smiled and said “I guess may be the beauty should be revealed after all when appreciation comes and waits in the doorway, Give me a few minutes and I will be back and you get the chess board ready and we can start the game. And mind you I have been playing for a long time and so don’t expect to win the initial rounds”

She went to her room and in a few minutes she called out
“Hey you want to see the art”

I went over and Reena stood there and on the bed she had the skirt all spread out unraveling the mysterious art that had tested my patience for sometime now. It was in fact a bird, the color was as I thought white, but it had lines on it that were the color of rainbow and that was the familiarity in the pattern. The bird was flying though it looked more like falling out of nowhere and there was an arrow in the pursuit. The arrow was colored too and was made of the petals of a flower and was not pointed as a usual arrow.

I turned over the skirt and there I could see another image which looked totally unrelated with the other image. But on closer observation it gets clear that art in the totality had two phases to it that was depicted more as a before and after phenomenon. The rear of the skirt depicted a rather plain looking combination of colors, more like showing how barren and dull the phase was when the arrow started its course. The sky was gloomy and empty and no birds there in, the sun was there but looked as if it had gone stale.

“So do you understand it now” Reena asked

“Yes, but how do you see the complete image, how are these phases related to each other” I was getting more interested in the complete form of the art

She moved closer and untied the knot on the skirt and spread it as if it was on single cloth and now revealing the two phases and the relation.

The rear image was a phase of hope lost and so everything was dull except for a small flower that was always hidden in the frills of the skirt and could be revealed only when spread out. The flower depicted the last element of faith that could turn the dullness into brilliance. From the flower emerges an arrow made of petals that depicts the action that is created out of the faith. A faith so strong and pure that the action by itself becomes the faith, fairness and righteousness in the next phase

It was interesting to see that the arrow (or the action) was the relation between the two phases, the connector that had one side of it drenched in the dullness of the rear image and the other part breaking off from the dullness and emerging with brilliance as it enlightens and begins the image in the front.

The white bird was as rightly thought falling, but not from nowhere but from above, heaven, paradise or what ever one would like to call it. It was the prize for breaking out of the dullness and also the bird can’t exist in dullness, it is a symbol of brilliance, the rainbow lines on them denote the brilliance.

As I allowed my thoughts to run wild on what the artist would have thought and was trying to convey Reena broke the strain of thought again

“Isn’t it exciting to see that the crux of everything is always concealed until you reveal it or atleast act for it to reveal itself. I have been having this skirt for so long and I always wondered about the pattern, the image. You are the first one who ever noticed it the way I did.”
She smiled again, yes, the same smile that makes you want to live.

I was sure she always belonged to the second phase of the art.

“Let us go the chess board is waiting for us” she walked before me

I noticed that she had changed into the jeans she wore in the morning so that she could show me the art on the skirt.

Yes as she said, she did win over me at least ten times before I could do a check mate on her.

If I had not been attentive to what the world shows me and just listen to what was being said, I would be at home after playing chess and a usual day and life would continue again. .. But the force of noticing and silently conversing with myself and my surroundings made me understand something that many people missed to note in their acquaintances.

While people saw just another gorgeous lady in Reena, I could after that day find in her a lady who was the rising, the awakening, the brilliance that a second phase in anyone’s image of life could bear witness to……..