Vinod Narayan

He took the cup to his lips, but forgot to sip the coffee. He kept it back on the table and all the while staring straight into the monitor. He was disturbed, not just with the news he read. He has read much dreaded news that often seems like it was the synopsis of some horror flick. But this was different.

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He suddenly stopped and looked up; the clouds are all rounding up. It never looked it would rain and so as usual his new umbrella should be lying in his room wrapped in cozily in the same pouch it came from the shop. Last year rains were not that heavy but he drenched through out the whole season, postponing the idea of buying one. And this year he was fast to act and bought one, ‘dolly’ that’s what they told this new brand of umbrellas were called.

He was a bit skeptical at first when the shopkeeper said that to him
“Is this one of those ladies umbrella, you know I don’t want to look dumb walking around with this”
“No Saab, it is not, everyone asks hearing the brand name. I assure you even the district collector Mr. Raj had bought one last week”

He thought “What if Raj had bought it for his wife or for his daughter. “

He dismissed the thought saying
“I wish the rains are not much this year and I would have to use less of her; also I should say she is a real beauty for this bargain price”
He had already started admiring it as he would a lady and started addressing it as her and she”

She came well dressed in a black gown with her name written on in golden letters. When unwrapped and released from her chains she had a majestic look that made every person under her look royal. As days went by he started admiring and getting attached to Dolly more like a partner, something that he has never experienced before.

He would sit with dolly on his door steps before he got out to go anywhere and carefully watch the motion of clouds and make a calculation as to whether he would take dolly to accompany him that day and he always went back home and wrapped her back and kept her in the same shopping bag she came with. While he always loved the thought of walking beneath dolly unscathed by the downpour, another part of him did not want Dolly to be exposed to anything even if it meant depriving her of the very reason for her existence. She had one of the most beautiful piece of fabric he had ever seen that elegantly stretched itself between the gleaming metallic spokes. Her handle was carved in wood with her name beautifully printed on it. She was a beautiful piece of art he proudly owned

And today there he stands without a tree or a shelter anywhere in the vicinity and the clouds thickening above him, all ready to pounce on him like a wild animal getting ready for its prey. If only he had dolly with him, if he had not for once sat outside and waited. If he had only just had dolly accompany him without a second thought.

May be he miscalculated or something went unnoticed when he sat with Dolly on the doorsteps today or did he calculate right but chose to get drenched as usual instead of exposing his beloved dolly to the piercing raindrops

The choice has always been his and so have been the consequences. May be he will find happiness in getting back home drenched to an untouched dolly than experiencing the warmth she could offer him.

It is said that blaming is the easiest thing one can do. It doesn’t matter if you are rich or poor, young or old, blaming is there always, as an option for you to escape the torture and public humiliation of failing.

For him it all started with a voice from inside like it happens during many other major decisions in life telling him over and over, day and night, painfully piercing into your heart and mind

“You just need to say Quit and this will all end, you don’t have to go through this if you don’t want to”

Initially he refused to listen but it will still go on

“It’s just a game, you will loose a lot playing it, don’t try doing it, you can’t win this, you have no choice, quit before you loose, the odd s are all against you”

He struggled from inside to hold off from hearing the voice and realized that he needed to be stronger if he were to do away with it

He stops what he was doing and heads for the Gym. Without the usual warm up he starts pounding the Iron venting out his frustration on all pieces of metal, ropes and pulleys of various sizes and shapes

While his mind had started contemplating an escape route, he sweats like hell and keeps mumbling “that Sons and daughters of ….s, they ought to have performed better”

The act of “blaming your way out” had begun

He starts getting overly frustrated thinking about the people who hold back his success.

He has the revelation that all his colleagues, friends and partners have turned out to be at fault except him. He realizes the truth that he has been cheated, ridiculed, pulled from behind, and stabbed in the back. He starts searching through the corridors of his mind, chasing each and everyone close to him, to find the person on whom he can blame it all

And then after a few moments of silence between the thuds of irons and pulleys he screams out “Eureka!!!”

His analytical and logical brain has finished compiling with vigor and absolute accuracy spitting out the name of his only trusted comrade, the man who has been with him all through the rough waters all these years

Who else will be better than his trusted lieutenant to take up the task of being pronounced the corporate glitch. He has taken equal responsibilities on all decision making of the company and has been as much in public interest as him

Though he had himself spurted the name, he needed more reasoning to make him self believe the same

The act of “changing beliefs your way” needed to be started

He gives way to his intellect which started coming up with the necessary reasoning

“If someone has to pay, this is the person, the culprit on whom you should blame all the possible reasons for your misfortunes, he should have known that things were going bad, he should have warned you, he should have stepped up to the occasion. If he wanted he could have saved you from the torture as well as the personal agony of the thought of quitting”

“If it were not for this miscreant you would have stood to gain all that you ever wanted, money, fame, respect of your people and all that which now seems like a never ending saga or misfortunes”

But then above everything there is this benevolent heart of his that many a times dismisses what the head has derived upon. He started thinking

“This has been your closest associate, one who has been with you for the past twenty years like a shadow but more clear and distinct even during the darkest hours. Your actions can’t probably be right; there might be a way out other than sacrificing this long term companionship, the faith and the trust.

The intellect interrupts
“You don’t have the time, blame, blame, reason the blame, fast, escape, save your Ass”

The intellect continues on and on, coming every time with new and stronger reasons convincing him that his companion was indeed a traitor, a black mole, the reason for the misfortunes of so many families who depended on your company doing well the past year.

“It is pay time, you could not do anything to stop it, it did not rise in your mind, the people have voted the man out, you will miss your long term associate, but life has to move on”

Now he needed to arrange for an investigation, call an all hands, send a circular, he needs someone to run this for him, whom should he call.

He fiddles with his phone and looks in the mirror that was showing off his bulged out triceps, chest and biceps and for the first time he looks straight into his own eyes. He could see for the first time the coward he had made of himself. The last one hour had created a much weaker mind in a much stronger body

He slowly walked out of the Gym dialed his buddy and said
“Jim, I am taking full responsibilities and I want you to fix a meeting with the counsel to chalk out the necessary actions and call in an all hands tomorrow”

Jim was silent a moment and then said
“You don’t need to do this, I had seen this coming and I had some back up plan in place, I will meet you at your place in half hour, I assure you we will swim safely through this rough tide too, you keep cool and leave the rest to me my friend”

Jim then hung the phone leaving him dumbfounded and puzzled but quite relieved

He was slowly figuring out that going by what ones heart says can make such impact on ones life.